I don't normally use my blog as a personal journal. I like to give you guys stories of things that are happening in Africa. But sometimes I guess it's good to let you guys know what's going on just with me. So here it is...
Last night, I called to wish one of my best friends a Happy Birthday. It was wonderful to be able to hear his voice. But it was also quite difficult. I love the opportunities that I get to talk to people from home, but sometimes they serve as reminders. Reminders of what I may be missing in America. Reminders of how different things may be when I return. Reminders that I miss being able to call my friends and family anytime I want to. Many times when these feelings start to enter my head, I try to keep busy so that I don't have to think about them. As the Lord would have it last night, we did not have any electricity. So there were not many things to occupy my mind with. So I consented to just lay on my bed. I was thinking about my friend and the conversation we had just had. He asked me on the phone, "So where do you think you will be in 2 years?" I've had this conversation with myself many times. Where will you be in 2 years Whitney? And every time I tell myself that I will be back home. So last night, with no electricity, nothing to do, the Lord began to speak...
(excerpt from journal)
Are you willing? Are you willing to be obedient? How far will you go to follow Me? I've asked you to sacrifice your comfort, your home, your friends, and family for a short time. What if I ask you to stay? What if I ask you for more? Will you be willing? Will you draw another bottom line? You had a bottom line - friends and family. You said, "Oh God... I will miss them too much. I won't make it two years without them." But I took away your bottom line. I asked you to follow Me and you did. But how far will you follow? Will you follow to death? There are many who are laying down their lives for me. If I asked you, would you? But right now, it's not death that is your line. It's 2 years. 2 years is your line. You have drawn your time limit on Me. "I will follow God for 2 years here and then I will follow Him back home." Haven't I showed you child? Home is with me. You are at home no matter where you are, because your heart is at home with Me. One day you will be in your perfect home in perfect fellowship with Me. Until then, how far will you follow? Will you lay down what I ask you to? Are you willing to be obedient?
I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else. But it made sense between God and me. And I knew I needed to share it.
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3 comments:
We draw alot of lines in life, not only in our relationship with our creator but in most of our relationships. Imagine our lives if we were to release our sense of entitlement.
Not sure I will tell Mom this is here just yet though.
Love ya, Dad
Where is home? I'm not sure I know anymore. Debriefing has been interesting as I am finally around other people who don't know where home is. People keep saying, "Are you glad to be home?" Is "I don't know yet" the wrong answer? I am glad to be here. I feel called to be back just as I felt called to go. But I miss there. I miss coffee with Tarakegn. I miss house church. I miss there. Is home with my family? Not sure, but I won't have that again for some time. I'm glad to be finding what is next, but I'm mourning all that has been left behind. Know you're loved. Know that no one doubts you will continue to honor and follow the master at all cost. Know you are prayed for. Know you are loved! Know you are missed, but I would never trade having you here for having you in the center of God's will. Home begins to change and maybe even disappear over the next two years. Where is home? Home is in the father's arms. Those arms go with us and even lead us as we journey. Whit you are home. You reside with the father. Love you! Know I pray as you hurt! Know I hurt as you hurt! Know hurting and missing and questioning are all okay and necessary. Love you!!
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